It took me awhile to realise this, but, I'm different. Different from what I use to be nine years ago, that is. Back then, I was a kid. A boy, to be more on the money. But now? Now I'm a man. And I have to start acting like one. No more whining or complaining. No more sitting on my lazy ass. I have these dreams but I have to work for them. I have to over extend myself. I would have never realised this without Smitty. What can I say about Smitty?

He's a ten year old boy that I've known for what seems like forever. I see him every now and then. When I do, I usually play with him because the other kids seem to enjoy teasing him about being 'shrimpy'. He's all skin and bones. Even though they're right, they're bastard kids who need to see alot of blood to me. But yeah. About three weeks ago, I find out he's a patient of UCLA Hospital. Two weeks ago, I find out he has Cancer.

I've let about two of the closest, most special people to me slip away because of Cancer. I don't intend on letting that happen to Smitty. I'm going to be by his side, and help him. I don't care if the doctors shoo me away, or even the parents, because I'll just keep coming back. I'm going to change. Really, I am. I'm going to become a whole different person.

Oh, by the way, I've been getting alot of help and support from Oliver lately. We've been getting.. pretty close. I think he's one of my best friends now, despite that I want him to be more. I want us to be more. But whatever. I'll confront to him sooner or later. I've only felt this way about two guys, but I've sort of ruined one, so. And in a sad, sad, twisted way, I think Ollie likes me back.

They give you a white shirt with long sleeves
Tied around you're back, you're treated like thieves
Drug you up because they're lazy
It's too much work to help a crazy

I'm not crazy - institutionalized
You're the one who's crazy - institutionalized
You're driving me crazy - institutionalized

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from the enemy, myself

Hey guys and Happy New Years. I honestly don't really get what's so great about New Years. It's just another year you have to get through. But I will miss 2005, that's for sure.

I'm just really updating to make some apology notes and to get some shit off my chest.

First, I'm going to start off with Mr. Brighty Pants(you know who you are).


I know I'm always preassuring you and making you look like an asshole like always. I know I seem confident and strong, but I'm not. I know it seems like I shrug the whole world, including you, off. But did you know that I hang on every single word you say to me? You're human and you have to rant sometimes. I try to remember that, but I can't help it if you're like Superman to me. I'm willing to make a commitment if you are.

Monica,


I have seen alot ever since we were through. But there was always something about you, y'know? I'm not trying to say that I want us to be more than friends again. I want to say that I want us to stay friends forever.

Jennifer,


Whatever I said that night was a joke. I was drunk and didn't mean to tell you what I felt in a harsh way. But now that I'm perfectly fine and sober, I will tell you this in the nicest way possible: I. Do. Not. Like. Phil. I take you as a little sister, and to seriously honest, I think he's just using you. But maybe I'm just being selfish and over-protective. If it'll make you feel better, I have been an ass lately and I /don't/ keep my promises. Just forgive me, that's all I want.

Yeah. I suppose it was about time to update, eh? I didn't actually like Corpse Bride as much as I liked The Nightmare Before Christmas, but I fell in love with Victor. Hah. He's such a realistic character. A character I relate well with.
-Sighs-. I was too lazy to mess around with the layout much.. but.. atleast it's better than my old one? And now you can comment?

Anyway. I suppose when something interesting in my life happens, I'll make sure and update it.